the monster which eats my self-motivation

I have a challenge. It’s called “Self-Motivation.”

Recently, I have been dealing with a moderate amount of stress. My day-to-day existence is great – but there’s constantly a scary monster lurking behind me, whispering: “FUTURE? WHAT FUTURE DO YOU HAVE?” This stress eats my self-motivation for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and late-night snacks.

For example, you may have heard that I’ve applied to Grad School. If you’re paying attention, you’ll also remember that I won’t find out any results until March – and considering I really only applied to three schools, there is a good chance all those results will be negative. My reasoning for only choosing three schools is a double-edged sword: on the one hand, I know I really, really like those programs. On the other, they could all say no – and that’s the headspace I often inhabit.

Part of my challenge with motivation is that I lose focus of what I have accomplished in the light of all these stressful things which are looming over my head. So, a short list:

  • I have a blog dedicated to lindy hop, and it’s holding its own. You should check it out!
  • I can do 28 consecutive push-ups, which is over halfway to being able to do 50 consecutive push-ups, which is my personal base goal for the Hundred Push-up Challenge. Everything after that is icing in the cake.
  • I saved about $100 since January 1st since eliminating snacks from vending machines (and gas stations, small boutiques, and wherever else you generally buy overpriced snacks). Also known as, I’m a badass.
  • I have learned three new hair styles (a classy bun, a twisted and messy chignon, and an alternative braid) and one new hair technique (for French twists!) this February. No, I have not really posted them for everyone to see – but I know I’ve done it, and they’re awesome.
  • I cooked a brand new meal with the help of an awesome person. It was delicious, and I got to share it with some close friends.
  • I have been working on leading, and I had a Really Exciting Moment where I daydreamed a new move in the shower – and it worked in real life, too.

Things I need to buckle down on:

  • Reading. I have written down every book I’ve read since I was 11, and this is the first time I haven’t written a book down for the entire month of January. I cannot express my sadness at this fact.
  • Exercising. I still can’t run, but that doesn’t mean I can’t do push-ups, pull-ups, squats, crunches, and everything in-between.
  • I need to make more money. Not want; need.

I know that all I need to do is say “Suck it up,” buckle down, and take care of all these things which I want to accomplish. They are things I want, so what’s the issue? So, what I need is a new motivational tool. And it would really help if this motivational tool encouraged me to do push-ups.


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